Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Have you met Ted?

There are only a couple of television shows that I will recommend.

Friends. Are You Afraid of the Dark. Gossip Girl. Rock of Love. Sex and the City. Lost.

But at the moment, How I Met Your Mother is the only show that I would really do anything for (but I won't do that). When NPH walks onto the screen I know I'm going to laugh. When I use a high five in a real life setting, I think of how proud Barney would be. When people say they are going to McCrackens in Marietta -- I think of McClarens. If I see Canada on a map, I think of Robin Scherbatsky. When I step into Lenox or Town Center I hum the tune of 'Let's Go to the Mall". I had Marshmellow and Lily Pad on my top friends when I had the myspace. Jason Segal is a sexy beast in my eyes.

All of this to say, I didn't publicly endorse a politician in 2008. But for 2009, I will campaign the crap of out this show. So do yourself a favor and watch The Great NPH on Saturday Night Live this Saturday, or I'll punch you in the face.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Thank You Jay Wilson

I started my year off right. I slept until noon, I cleaned my room, I watched The Biggest Loser Marathon from beginning to end and I went to the gym.

An episode of Jeopardy was on. I suck real hard at Jeopardy. If it’s not covered by Perez Hilton, about stationery or referencing How I Met Your Mother then most likely I will not be able to answer the question. Like most gyms, there is no sound to the tv. So, you are either smart and brought headphones or you know how to read lips. Neither or those I did or was able to do.

The category was ‘Occupational Wear’. The question seemed to be right up my alley along the lines of useless information and celebrities. The question was, “Though Ashton Kutcher sported this hat, basically a mesh-back ball cap, it did not have a long haul of trendiness.”


The answer is fishing hat!

Wait, that doesn't sound right?

Fishing cap?


Bait hat?

Something hat?

For the life of me, I could not think of the name of the hat! Edith, the 68-year-old who ended up walking away with $0 knew it. I didn’t bring headphones. I can’t read lips. I had no idea what the dang hat is called. Again, Edith knew it.

Last night while Kris was talking about losing Finn in a Panama City Wal-Mart, I looked over and saw Jay Wilson. And thank God I saw Jay Wilson. He was wearing that hat. A glorious blue hat.

So thank you Jay Wilson.

Jay Wilson, thank you for wearing that blue trucker hat last night. I was able to rest my head last night knowing that I knew what trendy occupational hat that Ashton Kutcher sported.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Shit Happens

I live in downtown Atlanta. Grant Park to be more specific.

When you move into the city like Atlanta, you pay high rent for many things. Like tasty restaurants, dive bars, trendy boutiques, open minded individuals, beautiful parks, independent coffee shops, a stellar music scene and theft and robbery like you wouldn’t believe. Before I even moved downtown my car was broken into twice. In Grant Park alone -- I am aware of one lonely lawn mower stolen from my front yard, 3 cars stolen for mostly parts (but later found), at least 4 or 5 cars being broken into and a very cute scooter taken by children. One friend told me about her sprint down Euclid to catch a bike thief and in East Atlanta a friend was punched in the face when he saw a car being stolen outside of his own house.

I’ve come to terms that once I step outside my door to go to work or brunch or the like, I would experience two different feelings of invasion of privacy. Either my car being stolen or even broken into. I am prepared for this. I might think to myself, ‘Shit, it happened to me’ and then I would proceed to call the cops. It sucks even more these days if it happens since I just bought a new car and I am now proud of this said car.

This morning, I walked outside. Car was there.


The windows were all windowed.


As I used my fancy keyless entry I realized that I’ve been pooped on. The birds of Grant Park attacked my car with poop. POOP! If I was driving the good ol’ falling-apart-no-door-handle-Corolla, I would of shrugged off and went on with my day.

Today, I was pissed! My beautiful still smells like new car was pooped on! So, as the FedEx man was dropping off a package to my neighbor I’ve never met, I was using ArmorAll: Car Wipes to wipe off each and every shat. There were at least 6 or 7 spots. In one night. Some were that gross white runny poo and a couple were brownish that looked like chewing tobacco.

So today, January 2nd, was the first time my new car felt violated. With being in the city, I am sure this is the first of many violations. I just didn’t think it would involve me cleaning bird poo in the rain.